You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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