remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
