I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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