I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
