I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You work out of a Hotel?
I met the friendliest cop last night
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
