$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
