something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
