Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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