She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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