I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i believe in u and ur pee
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
