you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
