My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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