Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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