It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
bring money and cleavage
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
