i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
