What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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