i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
