you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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