So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
