So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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