I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
a search helicopter?!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Randomize
