So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize