This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
