Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
