tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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