Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
