i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
