I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
