ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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