Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
