new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize