How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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