My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
