i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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