Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize