she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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