Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
