So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
