The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
