it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
