During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize