I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
