that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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