i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I intend to get homeless drunk
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
