Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
