are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
