i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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