I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
