He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize