Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
