Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize