I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize