I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i jhust puked up my retainher.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize