I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
