if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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