Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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