wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
