he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize