My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
