Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
