my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
