True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
