How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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