WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
