I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
