No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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