I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
