So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
