Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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